Last night, I spoke with an old friend until two in the morning. She was having some trouble letting go of a past relationship and seemed very distraught.
She told me of how, although she was faithful sexually, she engaged in many transgressions that she strongly believes created a deep mistrust and a lack of respect on the part of her former lover which eventually led to the demise of the relationship.
She also made it clear that he was her best friend and that in her post relationship friendship with him, she was still doing things to subvert trust.
She kept telling me how much it hurt and how she could not let go no matter how hard she tried.
She also used the words “pain” and “hurts” repeatedly. She said she was in pain and was hurting, but in actuality she was suffering. There is a world of difference between what we call “pain” and what we call “suffering” so I think that it would be useful to make a distinction before we go any further.
Please allow me to share this small quote by Nisargadatta Maharaj that clearly makes this distinction:
“Pain is physical; suffering is mental. Beyond the mind there is no suffering. Pain is merely a signal that the body is in danger and requires attention. Similarly, suffering warns us that the structure of memories and habits, which we call the person, is threatened by loss or change. Pain is essential for the survival of the body, but nothing compels you to suffer. Suffering is due entirely to clinging or resisting; it is a sign of our unwillingness to move on, to flow with life.”I think many of us have been down the same road as my friend to a greater or lesser extent. I know I have!
We have all hurt and been hurt. We have all injured a relationship in our lives…romantic or otherwise. That is part of being human.
Unfortunately, not changing, repeating our unskillful behaviors and then beating ourselves up by telling ourselves the story over and over again is also human.
We tend to do that. We tend to get stuck in our stories. In fact we get addicted to them.
In this case we activate suffering by mistaking our stories for ourselves, for who we are because they are so compelling and vivid. They are not real in any true and lasting sense and they are certainly not who we are. They are thought objects that we have been conditioned to identify with.
Please don’t believe everything you think!
I would like to pause a moment to really get your attention…are you with me? Good! Please tattoo these words on your brain:
ALL OUR STORIES ARE UNTRUE…
Did you get that? Okay, now tattoo these words on your brain:
NOBODY CAN SHOW YOU MORE LOVE AND COMPASSION THAN YOU…
We are at our best and living authentically when we are living our best by being authentic. I know that potentially comes off as a bit simplistic and cliche’ but I’ll risk that today.
I don’t normally recap or break things down into little bullet points, but these three points bear repeating. Please know that they come from my heart and the hearts of many wise people before me…I am not telling you anything new. You could even say that I am being a bit selfish because I am helping myself by reminding you.
So here they are:
- All of our stories are untrue…
- Suffering is a choice and completely different than pain…
- Nobody can show you more love and compassion than you…
These are very useful things to remember but it is also important to remember that if you find yourself engaging in specific desructive patterns in your relationships or with yourself that seem to keep repeating themselves automatically, it is of the utmost importance that you seek wise counsel and even get professional help.
Most of our problematic and especially our destructive patterns are usually deeply rooted in past trauma (environmental and emotional) and can only be safely accessed and addressed with the help of someone who has much experience and training in dealing with those types of things.
Seeking this help is not weakness. In fact, it is a sign of strength.
However, not seeking it is often insanity and a symptom of what is ailing you, so to speak. It is choosing to suffer and cause suffering!
We all need teachers, wise-counsel and mentors at points in our lives.
Don’t forget that!
Life is a precious gift and is best lived as such, as an extension of gratitude. It is best not squandered with needless internal preoccupation and suffering.
Because when all is said and done, suffering is a choice.
Until next time…
Kind Regards,
A
Today, I’d like to veer off the superfoods path to think aloud. I am still in the process of remodeling the site, so please bear with its disarray and lack of non-blog material.
Moving on…
Over the weekend, I had the pleasure of seeing some old friends and acquaintances and it stirred up many questions and emotions within me.
Not the kind of questions that require answers, but the kind that are open ended, unfold silently within the context of our lives, are answered as the content of our lives and then are enfolded within us and become things like wisdom, compassion, understanding or maybe even a healthy doubt or confusion that leads to more questioning and eventually to some kind of awakening or awareness.
That is our lives…a constant unfolding and enfolding of the present moment. The future becomes the present, the present becomes the past and the past becomes a dream…all at once.
It has been said by many wise people from philosophers to religious figures to ordinary folk who know some subtle truths about life that we should keep our focus in the present moment.
But since the present becomes the past before we can even respond, does it not make more sense to deal with the future (not in a worrying, longing, daydreaming, craving kind of way) because it is is always about to be the present?
How would such a practice work?
Are these the kind of questions that are better left to be answered by the unconscious aspect of our minds so that they can be processed, integrated and left to surface organically as something useful in consciousness?
I think it all boils down to letting go in many small moments over and over and over as often as we can remember. Kind of like when they say one day at a time in A.A. But in this case, it is one moment at a time.
From my experience, once we’ve let go, truly let go, then and only then can we see our lives in a way that enables us to determine what makes the most sense.
If this is the case then a large part of our lives and our practice (if we have one) is remembering to remember.
With this remembering to remember would be much less efforting, much more freedom and certainly more energy, focus and joy.
Just thinking aloud!
What do you think?
Until next time…
Kind Regards,
A
Welcome back everyone to our series on superfoods and please bear with the new site…I am currently doing some decorating and remodeling and have limited nerd skills.
Judging by many of your comments, especially the ladies, this is probably the most anticipated one!
Today we will be talking about Cacao…better known as chocolate or in ancient times as the “food of the gods.”
This is not the chocolate you are probably familiar with. No sir ri sir (or madame) this is the real deal!
We are talking pure, raw chocolate. Chocolate in the nude! The kind that is a powerhouse of beneficial nutrients, the kind that you can eat boatloads of without gaining a pound or expanding an inch. Well maybe just a small boatload!
Unlike most store bought chocolate, raw chocolate is free of sugar, additives, preservatives and all the other superfluous ingredients that make eating as much as we’d like a potential problem.
So without further adieu, let’s get naked with chocolate…
Cacao Theobroma
Cacao is in the genus Theobroma and species Cacao. Other common names include Chocolate, Cocoa and cacaoyer. The cacao bean is the seed of the fruit often thought of as a culinary nut. Cacao beans that are certified organic and raw, dried at low temperature can be difficult to find. Raw organic cacao is high quality cacao and can be used in raw food treats like smoothies, brownies and pies. Cacao ground into a coarse powder can be made into tea and used as a substitute for coffee or to drink at meals. Upon first trying it, the taste is slightly bitter. Then you try it again and love it.
Cacao contains a wide array of unique properties and minerals, including high levels of sulfur and magnesium. It may increase your focus and alertness and contains nutrients to keep you happy. Chocolate and cacao are often associated with love. All this is due to phenylethylamine contained in the cacao. Anandamide can be produced in the brain when we are feeling great, cacao makes anandamide stick around longer. The cacao tastes similar to, yet better than, unsweetened bakers chocolate. A sweetener is often used like raw organic agave nectar in conjunction with your raw treat ingredients.
Chocolate is made from the seeds of a plant called Theobroma cacao. The seeds are dried and roasted and then processed to form cocoa, the basic ingredient in chocolate and chocolate products. The use of cocoa for eating and drinking probably dates back several thousand years. The first evidence of cocoa use comes from cooking vessels containing cocoa residue. Scientists have determined these pots to be from at least 460 to 480 A.D. Columbus discovered cacao beans in America and sent samples back to King Ferdinand. However, the beans didn’t become popular in Europe at this time.
Several years later, Cortes discovered that the Mexican Aztecs enjoyed a type of bitter chocolate drink containing burned and ground cacao beans, maize, water, and spices. Cortes sent cacao beans and recipes back to King Charles V. The Spanish refined some of the recipes adding sugar and heating the ingredients to improve taste and texture. But because of the high cost of imported cacao, chocolate beverages were enjoyed mostly by the wealthy. By 1828, the cocoa press was developed. The press enabled workers to extract cocoa butter from the cacao bean. Ground roasted beans and sugar were added to the cocoa butter to produce dark “eating” (solid) chocolate. The first commercially prepared dark chocolate was produced in about 1847.
Milk chocolate, made with the addition of dried milk solids, was developed by the Swiss in about 1876. Some brands of imported and domestic chocolate contain very refined chocolate and fillings and are very expensive. Still, less expensive varieties of chocolate are widely available — making chocolate a very popular confection. The average American consumes nearly 11 pounds of chocolate each year. Men aged 12 to 19 consume the most amount of chocolate. Women aged 30 to 39 are the next largest group of chocolate consumers.
For some people, the lure of chocolate can be overwhelming. Cocoa contains certain chemicals and sensory properties that make the product very appealing. Cocoa contains theobromine (a chemical related to caffeine). The sugar in chocolate releases serotonin (a brain chemical related to a positive sense of well-being). The smooth, rich taste of chocolate (and sometimes the fillings) provides sensory pleasure to the taste buds. In addition, many people use chocolate as a reward and learn to associate the product with positive self-esteem. In spite of its physical properties, chocolate is not a physically addictive food. However, some people may find themselves psychologically addicted to chocolate. However, this may not be true for raw cacao.
The plant contains components that include: alanine, alkaloids, alpha-sitosterol, alpha-theosterol, amylase, arginine, ascorbic-acid, ascorbic-acid-oxidase, aspariginase, beta-carotene, calcium, dopamine, fructose, glucose, glutamic-acid, leucine, linoleic-acid, lipase, lysine, niacin, peroxidase, phenylacetic-acid, phenylalanine, phosphorus, riboflavin, rutin, tannins, theobromine, thiamin and many others.
Cacao seeds contain fat, usually around 40%, consisting of oil of cacao, cacao butter, theobromine (.9% to 2.35%), small quantities of theine (.05 to .37%), starch, ash and protein matter (6% to 17%). These percentages vary due to the decomposition of glucosid influenced by fermentation. Theobromine may act as a diuretic, and has a stimulant or exciting action not possessed by chocolate itself. Theobromine and theophylline, like caffeine, all found in this plant are used in modern medicine as antiasthmatic.
At this time, one of Cacao’s main claims to fame is its high antioxidant content…it is widely considered to be the most potent antioxidant food on the planet, rivaling heavyweights such the blueberry! Look out Wladimir Klitschko (I just googled him…he is the heavyweight champion of the world…huh?…I said the same thing too!)
Antioxidants are substances or nutrients in our foods which can prevent or slow the oxidative damage to our body. When our body cells use oxygen, they naturally produce free radicals (by-products) which can cause damage. Antioxidants act as “free radical scavengers” and hence prevent and repair damage done by these free radicals. Health problems such as heart disease, macular degeneration, diabetes, cancer, etc are all contributed to by oxidative damage. Antioxidants may also enhance immune defense and therefore lower the risk of cancer and infection…
Well, I hope this has assuaged your deep seated guilt issues regarding your love of chocolate. Now that you know how to get all of the benefits of chocolate without having to venture into the dark underworld of sugar and empty calories, you and your therapist can now talk about something new like who is Wladimir Klitschko and when did he become heavyweight champ or why the voices in your head keep telling you to walk naked through Walmart (speaking of dark underworlds) and shoplift something made in the USA (if you can find it).
So rejoice, do your body a favor and go out there and eat the real thing…just make sure it is naked!
Until next time…
Kind Regards,
A
Hi everyone! It is great to be back and back on track with a new post. If you have been following the last post you know that things got a little crazy.
Admittedly, I made a mistake in my initial response to a comment by one of our readers who calls herself Yoga Girl and let’s just say she got a little upset and let the venom fly! If she was one of those spitting Cobras, I’d be blind!
Some say she was a plant (not the potted variety or the kind you find in your garden) or a disgruntled (Disgruntled. Sounds like a term used for someone who was fired!) ex-girlfriend on the warpath. When I tried to email her via the address she used in the comment box, it came back as a false address. I commented back to her in the blog and she never responded.
I guess we’ll never know for sure…
Her comments were scathing and definitely way off. However, I believe there is some “truth” to be found in any situation. I considered her words carefully, and although I don’t agree and my friends and people I work with do not either (this has been a fun topic with my clients, friends and the people I volunteer with! They think it is hilarious because they know me and work with me.), she made me think.
One thing she suggested was that I share some of my life stories and how I am changing for the better. I can do that and have done that in the past.
Today, at the request of more than a few people, I would like to address some of her comments.
Here is a portion of Yoga Girls vitriolic analysis:
“1) You quote books that you have read, because you yourself are afflicted. You quoted this…because it applies to you:
“On the other hand, people with low self-esteem . . .
* Frequently dislike others.
* Expect that other people will dislike and reject them..
* Have trouble performing under pressure, and find it hard to work in demanding environments.
* Are more vulnerable to negative comments and reactions from others.”
Let’s stop there for a moment… The reason I quoted that book is because I am working with a great company called the Hypnosis Network and wanted to, on occasion, promote their products! I was looking into introducing my readers to some of their very helpful products and used a blog to do so.
It is a product by Dr. Shirley McNeal that helps with self-esteem and forgive me if I am out of line, thought it might be relevant to talk about self-esteem in endorsing the product! It has nothing to do with me being afflicted. It has to do, point blank with helping and empowering others and trying to pay some bill in the process. Most of the work I do is for free but at the end of the day I have to have a place to live, put gas in my car and feed my imaginary child (Yoga Girl questioned whether or not I really had a child).
It really is that simple!
Moving on…
I do not frequently hate others. Never have and never will.
I do not expect others to dislike and reject me. But I do know from experience that it is impossible for anyone to resonate positively with everyone. God, Jesus, Marin Luther King, Buddha, and my neighbor Dave (who is the nicest guy you’ll ever meet) can’t even pull that one off!
She also says:
“Your posts scream of underlying hate (point 1).”
How so? I have frequently noticed that people who have repressed their own hate/anger often see it in people, places and moments in which it does not exist. Some food for thought.
“You changed your blog b/c of points 2 and 4.”
I changed my blog because I frequently change my blogs. I write quite a bit and do much of it late at night and in a hurry. I have much to do and often don’t manage my time and attention as well as I could and would like to. I often tweak them because I can admittedly be too detail oriented and am usually not satisfied with them in some way. Sometimes I just think they suck and try to fix them!
“Your job is blogging because of point 3.”
My job is not blogging but it is part of what I do. If my job was blogging I would be starving! As far as being able to perform under pressure or in demanding environments goes, I thrive. I love challenges and for some reason do better when I am under the gun, so to speak. I love being on stage and performing and have no problem speaking in front of people.
Sorry, you missed the mark on that one.
Then she writes:
“2) You appear very unhealthy on You-tube. No.t like someone to take nutrition advice from, or buy products from.”
I guess that is a matter of opinion. How good do I have to look to be taken seriously by you? Do I need to look like Brad Pitt? I think I look pretty pail in the brainwave video, but that was a matter of lighting and me not having experience with making videos. I had to start somewhere and agree that it is not the most flattering or informative video. Do I look that bad to you in the other videos? I am not the best looking guy in the world, but my goodness…play nice! Most people have told me the opposite but you are entitled to your opinion. What do you look like? Do you think it would matter to me?
Next, she writes:
“3) In my opinion, you should not be teaching or “coaching”. Your blogs show so much anxiety and animosity and teach people very little. People would learn more from you if you told them how you are overcoming your own demons. You are far from spiritual, my friend. And what you try to disguise as confidence in your teaching, comes off sounding like retort from a bullied child who is trying to stand up for himself.”
Yikes! Sorry if you see so much animosity and anxiety in my blogs. Have you ever considered that much of this is your own stuff and that you are seeing your own animosity. Others see humor, honesty, questioning, love, firmness and any number of things that have nothing to do with animosity or anxiety.
I know that I can often be a little blunt and swear on occasion but that is done with humor and love and for the wake up effect that it can often have. That is how one of my Zen teachers used to get through to me and I have also found that effective in the past.
JJ Jalopy made a good point when he said that the written word often comes across in ways it was not intended to some people. I think he is right and would also add that it is mainly the filtering mechanism in people’s brains that does the misunderstanding. It is more a matter of their unconscious beliefs, values, their level of stress, or even what they had to eat and other environmental factors that dictate their responses to everything.
Besides, how is a blog about gratitude or playing the game Uno with my son filled with animosity and anxiety.
As far as disguised confidence goes, how do I do that? I am a confident person by nature. I will talk to anyone and feel very comfortable in my skin. I will confess that in the past I have struggled with confusing confidence with arrogance or cockiness. But serious injury, illness and some very poor choices saw to it that I was humbled. I am fortunate to be alive, walking, talking, laughing, loving and halfway sane. I give thanks every day and try to live my life as an extension of gratitude. Not that I don’t have my moments…I definitely do!
Finally, she writes:
“A better approach would be to write about your life stories and how you are changing for the better, not to pretend to be a “Holistic Health” Master. What are your credentials? I was looking for them last week so I could quote you in my footnotes, and I found nothing. Do you have any?
But, I want to thank you. My time on your blog has not been in vain. You make an interesting research subject.”
I agree that it would be useful not necessarily better to talk about my life stories and how I have changed and am changing for the better. I have shared much in the past and am very open about my life and my struggles.
I have a sneaking suspicion however, that if I did write about myself you would judge me for that and slap another label on me! Maybe not.
Also, I am not pretending to be anything. Well sometimes with my girlfriend I pretend to be an astronaut, a pirate, the UPS man or the pizza delivery guy but that is just for fun and between me, her and our pet monkey who also doubles as our camera man. I also see that you put the term “holistic health” master as if that is what I call myself. I don’t recall ever referring to myself in that regard.
With love and affection and for fun, JJ Jalopy referred to me as a “health-nutrition-and-all-around-Zen master-rock star.” I thought that was catchy and fun, but don’t really think that way about myself. I actually have a hard time with labels but on occasion have to call myself something other than Anthony or “nobody,” which is actually more fitting and conducive to keeping me humble.
As far as my credentials go:
My qualifications are my life experiences, years of practice, much study and awesome teachers. Education-wise, I studied psychology at Penn State and am currently in the process of becoming a certified clinical nutritionist. I have studied alternative medicine and nutrition since my teens and have done nutritional/herbal/supplement consulting for nearly twenty years, both professionally and for friends and family.
I have survived severe illness, severe childhood abuse and other things that would blow your mind. And to free myself from that I have done a tremendous amount of inner work. I am still not perfect or immune to my past conditioning. I love looking deeply within and make sure to bring my biggest problems to one of my teachers who is an amazingly wise woman, a long time yoga practitioner and a person who has been a meditator and practicing Jungian/Gestalt psychologist for over thirty years. I have also done extensive EMDR work and usually refer clients to an EMDR therapist because it is so amazingly effective in releasing people from their “demons,” freeing them up to live and authentic and joyful life. It is also great for athletic, success and performance enhancement. (Yes, That was a shameless plug for EMDR.)
I know about food allergies, CFS, head injuries, spinal injuries, Celiac’s disease, environmental sensitivities and other health related things because I have lived them. I went from racing mountain bikes and being fit enough to do a triathlon to being barely able to walk and back again (Almost! I am 40 now. lol.) I am a meticulous researcher and scientist who gives his all to whomever and whatever I focus on. I healed myself when my doctors could not and told me to go home and just accept and adjust.
I hope this sheds some light on who I really am, why it is I do what I do, what it is I know and whatever else you get out of this.
I would also adivise you to look into what it is that made you so reactive. This really can’t be about me, my blog or my careless response to one of your comments. You really seem like the angry one because, judging from your comments you are cut off from your own anger and see it in the people and world around you. Maybe I am wrong. If I am I apologize.
I really think you just need a hug Yoga Girl. And with a cute name like that I would love to give you one.
I hope that some day you can forgive me and see past your anger to the real me! Despite your vitriolic remonstrances, you sound like an awesome woman with a sharp mind. I wish you well with your research project and your life in general.
I think for the next few posts, we will tone things down a bit and talk about superfoods!
Until next time…
Kind Regards,
Anthony
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