Today we are going to get back on track and resume our discussion on looking within to see how we create our reality and what we can do to change our unhelpful beliefs. I have had the privilege to read many great blogs from this group and one of the reoccurring themes has been how our beliefs are one of the primary driving factors in how we create our lives, our reality or for you sales and marketing experts (which is all of us for the time being), what motivates us to buy.
Beliefs are extremely powerful and we cling to them til the bitter end, even when they don’t serve us or are just blatantly wrong.
In other words…
We don’t believe what we see. We see what we believe! And we’d rather be right than happy!
Let’s get started.
We all have an internal processing system that takes what we experience and processes in a variety of ways. This processing is what makes our life. This system evolved as we grew up and its primary goal was to keep us safe in the context of our family situation
If you believed something your parents didn’t want you to believe, to some degree doing so might not have been safe. If your parents were kind and loving and open-minded, they might have given you considerable leeway on what you believed. In this case, safety might not have been much of an issue. However, if they were narrow-minded, afraid, or had their own emotional issues, it might have been very unsafe to believe something they didn’t want you to believe. The same thing applies to what you thought was important, how you made decisions, and many other aspects of how you created your life. Your processing system was shaped in a way that conformed to what your parents wanted, and for some of you it would have been very unsafe to do it any other way
You created your internal processing system—your way of thinking and acting, your way of perceiving yourself, other people, and the world—in the exact way you needed to create it in order to make it through your childhood. If you had loving parents, a safe and nurturing environment, and loving mentoring, your system probably works pretty well and creates, most of the time, positive outcomes and positive emotional experiences. If you had parents who were in some way emotionally dysfunctional—parents who were afraid, angry, anxious, or abusive—if your environment was less than safe, if you didn’t receive resourceful mentoring, your system very likely creates many outcomes you don’t like and many negative emotional experiences
The more traumatic your childhood was, the more likely it is that you’ve structured your internal processing system in a way designed to avoid danger and create safety. Most children are extremely resourceful in creating an internal processing system that works in their family environment, and creates the maximum feeling of safety. However, once you leave your family, the rest of the world isn’t like your family situation, and the strategies you created during childhood very often create problems when used outside your family environment. In fact, your internal processing system will tend to attract people and situations like those in your family, and not notice other choices.
Today your internal processing system—as well as it may have worked to get you through your childhood—is giving you, at least part of the time, results you don’t want. Now, to the degree that you associate your internal processing system with safety, anything that looks like it might change it may trigger resistance in you—even if you consciously want the change. So, part of the price you have to pay to create an internal processing system that allows you to create whatever you want in life is to deal with that part of you that associates your old way of thinking and acting with safety.
That part of you, in trying to protect you from potential danger, pulls your focus, your attention, to avoiding that danger. Since your mind creates or attracts more of whatever you focus on, placing your attention on what you want to avoid is not resourceful. Instead, it causes you to create or attract more of it. In all probability, you don’t notice when you’re doing this. Your main goal then is to learn how to recognize when you’re focusing on what you don’t want, on what you are worried about, on what you’re afraid of, or on what you want to avoid—which are all pretty much the same thing—and at those times to shift your focus, consciously and intentionally, to what you do want.
That ends today’s transmission. Give it a shot. Take a look within and see what you are focusing on. Chances are if you are feeling unhappy or uncomfortable in any way, you are focusing on what you don’t want.
Until next time…
A
Cindy
Lisa McLellan
Anthony
Darryl Pace
Keri Eagan
Vegas Boomer Dating Expert
Michael D Walker
Vicki
Peggy Larson
We are subjected to much influence of our environment and our parents when we’re young. No matter how we are shaped, we still have the ultimate responsibility in how we run our life.
Having a victim mentality can only hinder our progress. Acknowledge our past and transcend beyond it is the aim.
John Ho
Numerology Expert Helps Understanding Personalities for Better Influence & Persuasion (WordPress Blog)
Numerology Expert Helps Understanding Personalities for Better Influence & Persuasion (Money Page)
Hi Anthony,
The sad fact is that ” Id rather be right than happy!” is one of the most destructive beliefs we can have! It inhibits so much personal growth and ability to make money by stubbornly clinging to this belief!
Duane
Super-ADVANCED Sales & Persuasion Strategies Proven to Quickly Create a Flood of Money Constantly & Continuously Flowing into YOUR Bank Account Like the Niagara Falls… 100% GUARANTEED!!
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Anthony,
There is a lot of truth in what you write.
Thanks
Bob Kaufer
Sign Up for My Free Neuro Performance E Course Here
This line “We see what we believe! And we’d rather be right than happy” is so true.
Christian Haller
The Art of Good Eating
Easy Italian Recipes
You will see it when you believe.
Amazing how we are conditioned from our childhood. Some people never realize that they have the power to change.
Lynn
http://www.Warriorofsuccess.com
Warrior Of Success Training
Our beliefs color how we interpret things and can massively affect our confidence and performance level. At the same time we need to keep in mind that there are absolutes out there that our beliefs have no influence on. This is why accurate thinking is important and well.
Steve Chambers, The Sales Expert
Are you a Sales Eagle?
What an excellent way of reframing things.
I really like your mix of explanation and recommended action.
I hope I can pass this on in an appropriate way to my children.
Philip Graves
Consumer Behaviour Expert
author of “The Secret of Selling: How to Sell to Your Customer’s Unconscious Mind”
This is a brilliant and mature post.
I like the fact that you educate us and give us something to use.
Keep writing. I love it!
JJ Jalopy.
How to become a coach with JJ Jalopy
I may be one of the few who’d rather be happy than right. I had an unhappy childhood, so now I hate to feel any negative emotions and strive to feel happy all the time. It works for the most part. I am a very happy person, I laugh and smile almost all the time. (Yes my face gets tired) LOL
Lisa McLellan, Babysitting Services – Babysitters, Nannies, and Au-pairs
What an excellent post. This is all so true. Few of us are prepared to accept that “We see what we believe. And we’d rather be right than happy” – yet being aware of the tendency helps overcome this unproductive habit. Very good food for thought.
All the best,
Yann
It is amazing how many children of very strict parents winding being the polar opposite. A good upbringing really is important in most people. You can also take the approach of Richard Bandler, one of the founders of nlp. He said after a patient was describing his harsh upbringing, “I really don’t give a shit” “Get over the past and lets go forward”. I love that guy’s attitude. mark
Marketingscoops
GlacierIceCream
I think that is right on it-many of our hard and fast core beliefs were formed when we were very young-and least able to control or deal with them: right or wrong they became beliefs
Thanks
JC
JC
Butterfly Marketing
Manuscript
The blog that ate my life is really good by the way
JC
I’m with Lisa….
SunnyMarie
http://www.sunnymarie.com
http://www.sunnymarie.wordpress.com
My childhood was about filled with fear and hatred of my father, and sometimes love. mom wasn’t as much of a factor. somehow i remember having a mostly happy childhood. happiness is one thing you can guarantee yourself every day since you are the one in charge of it.
Don Shepherd
Oregon Flyfishing
Interesting post. Good read.
Pam
Invest in Your Future
Great Minds, Great Wealth: How to Raise your Return, Reduce your Risk, Cut your Cost
Personal Investment Strategies
We all see the world through the filters we establish. When I disagree with someone, I try to remember that if I was them, with their same life experiences I would have the same (stupid, wrong, misguided) beliefs instead of the correct ones I actually hold…
Seize the Day,
Rob
Sales Eagles Soar Above the Competition!
Personal Asset Protection For Small Business Owners
Thank you for the great post. A few years ago I went through a process wherein I identified some self-limiting beliefs. I think this is something that I could benefit from by doing it periodically. Also, the truths you explain in your blog are some that I am attempting to inculcate in my kids.
Health, Fitness — Darryl Pace
Fitness Product Review
Great reminder about where we choose to focus. thanks
Pat
Business Owners Fast Track to Internet Profits
You are so right. I am usually happy, but when I’m not, I am focusing on what I don’t want. I never noticed this before.
Lisa McLellan, Babysitting Services – Babysitters, Nannies, and Au-pairs
Reprogramming our beliefs is such powerful work to do indeed so we can BE HAPPY rather than just right even when that is what we choose that we prefer. THe work I do with clients in conjunction with The Grief Recovery Institute really helps them to learn those new tools.
Great post. I like you blogging diligence.
Best regards,
April Braswell
Dating Quick Start Expert, Relationship Success Coach
Divorce Support and Bereavement Support seminar, Henderson, Las Vegas
This is really kewl stuff I never noticed this…cheers!
Expert in Hypnosis, Success Thinking and Practical Parenting
David Power’s Hour