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Attraction = Sharing
Greetings everyone! My site seems to be possessed today so please ignore the unusually small print and the Frugal them logo at the top. When I get time, I will have to chanel my inner nerd and figure it out…either that or I will Skype my good buddy and go to guy for all things nerd and London’s most badass badass, JJ Jalopy of JJ Jalopy.com.
Now back to our regularly scheduled program…
This past weekend, I had the pleasure of spending some quality time with four of my favorite women friends. I absolutely love it when they bend their rules and let me in on their “girls night out!”
What I learn in these evenings and from these amazing women is priceless! I always make it a point to pay deep attention. Not just to what they are communicating but to how they are communicating it…to how they are holding their drinks, how their bodies shift, the look in their eyes, the tone of their voices. That too me is where most of the truth lies, where our unmet needs can be found.
Several times during the course of the evening the topics of relationships and attraction came up. We shared our stories and our perspectives.
At some point I had this thought about how we approach the energetic pattern of attraction and wondered what it would look like if we turned it inside out and upside down, and saw something new in there that may be useful for us to think about…
When you find yourself attracted to another person, realize that that attraction is an indication that you have a gift for them.
When we first meet a person we are attracted to, we often instantly and unconsciously attach our stuff to them and see some kind of promise. This can and often does manifest as something less than useful. We may think he or she has something to offer and they may but in reality, something different is usually occurring…
If we do not know ourselves well and are unaware of our unconscious drives and patterns we can really get ourselves into trouble. Many people do this over and over…
They attract or are attracted to people and situations that confirm their unconscious beliefs. This could be a wonderful thing but more often than not it is not.
It is often shocking how we turn ourselves and others into projects!
However, that is an entirely differnt topic so for the sake of time and continuity let’s get back to the intended topic! See how I averted an ADD moment…there is hope for me yet!
If we are aware of this gift and give it with integrity, give it with love, we connect and create something beautiful, something that is much greater than the sum of its parts.
The gift could be encouragement, could be a smile, could be anything…just give it with no expectation of something in return and enjoy the connection you have created with them.
Try this simple practice:
Next time you find yourself attracted to someone take a moment to ask what it is that you can give them that will aid their progress in life or enrich them in some way.
I think it is also important to remember how the ego likes to feel special and how it is especially adept at wedging itself into any aspect of our lives as it can. So when you ask yourself this question, remember that the best things we have to offer anyone are often very simple and very ordinary. ”Small things with great love” as it has been said.
Don’t get hung up on finding an answer…just rest in the question and let life do the rest.
Until next time…
Kind Regards,
Anthony
Anthony,
What you say can be so true except when it’s the Fatal Attraction style of behavior.
John Ho
Numerology Expert Birthday Numeroscope
Numerology Expert Helps Understanding Personality for Better Influence & Persuasion
Hi Anthony,
I really like this post! It is so true that we attach our stuff to people and try to make them special.
As a woman, I appreciate your insight into observing how something is being said and the body language that accompanies it. Many people, often men (sorry guys), just do not pay attention and miss that opportunity to see the “unmet need.”
I was startled by your point on how we turn ourselves and others into projects. I know this now but if I would have known it when I was in my 20’s…
Regards,
Karen
Anthony,
Nice post. It’s for the single people, right? It doesn’t seem wise for married folks to freely share their “gifts” with people they’re attracted to…unless it’s their spouse. Whaddya think?
Health, Fitness — Darryl Pace
Fitness Product Review
Darryl,
Good point. Depends on what that gift is…lol! I don’t mean that it has to be a romantic attraction or that we necessarily share anything at all. I guess I just wanted the focus on thoughts of giving rather than getting or taking.
But like I stated in the post, it could be encouragement a smile, etc and the giving has to be done with integrity and with a loving heart and also in a way that honors our commitments.
Anthony
This is beautiful, Anthony.
At first I, a bit like Darryl, thought you might be encouraging me to share my massive throbbing gift with a whole ton of hotties. (That sentence amuses and embarasses me in equal measure so it’s staying.)
But I love the way you concluded this:
“Next time you find yourself attracted to someone take a moment to ask what it is that you can give them that will aid their progress in life or enrich them in some way. Don’t get hung up on finding an answer…just rest in the question and let life do the rest.”
Yeah. There’s wisdom here bro. Makes me want to get naked and run around in a meadow full of daisies. Or something,
P.S. You need to move some files around your server… I’ll stick it in an email.
Great post! You have not been appearing in my reader by the way! I like JJ like the way it ends as well
In the book, A General Theory of Love the author points out that we are attracted to whatever compliments our functionality. We could enter a room with 150 people in it and we would find the one whose key fit our lock. If our knowledge of relationships is healthy and functional then we will attract healthy and functional people.
On the other hand, if we come from dysfunctional relationships we will be attracted to the exact dysfunction we are familiar and comfortable with. This is the reason most people always find themselves in the same relationship with different people. It is tough to break the cycle.
Steve Chambers
Business to Business Sales Training Expert
Hi Anthony,
I saw JJ’s comment and as usual, nearly fell off the sofa laughing.
I like the idea of staying OPEN to the people we meet. Indeed, when I coach dating clients as they go on their Date O (First Date from Online Dating), I recommend they become Relationship Ambassadors and seek out the Gold in that person. Ambassadors know how to converse with people from different cultures than theirs and make the other person feel special and attended to. When we do so, we immediately increase our own attractiveness in the world. For single baby boomers are not always looking to Get Married. Or if they are, they are not always wanting in the marriage relationship the same things they wanted in marriage in their 20s and 30s (suburb house, 3 children, 9-5 corporate job life). So, practice our graciousness. Like the Dali Lama and Queen Elizabeth.
Happy Dating and Relationships,
April Braswell
Single Baby Boomer Dating Success Expert
I’m glad you had fun at your “girls night out!” And you learned something – awesome! I will remember this if I ever become single again and find myself attracted to somebody.
Lisa McLellan
Babysitting Services – Babysitters and Nannies
That’s a beautiful sentiment, Roshi, but I’m with Jalopy on its universality, at least from the male POV.
“If we are aware of this gift and give it with integrity, give it with love, we connect and create…” Relational research thru Functional Solutions. Thank you Anthony.