The other day a received and email from a reader who had a few questions regarding my last two posts and felt uncomfortable doing so publicly.
She seemed overcome with some kind of nebulous fear that prohibited her from getting close enough to her own mental, emotional and physical state of being to see how she was truly feeling and thinking. She called it dread. She said that she knew deep down inside that her story was not true and that she would be best served by letting it go.
She related to me that this fear became very vivid and turned to “dread” whenever she would even think about sitting still and tuning into her thoughts, feelings, bodily sensations, etc due to the uncertainty of what may arise.
This is not uncommon at all.
We had a nice chat and eventually got to the heart of the matter.
I am not at liberty to reveal any specifics, but I can say that what it all boiled down to was a fear of death…literally and figuratively.
She somehow equated looking into and letting go of her “story” as a form of death. She had so many secondary gains that to move on with her life involved the death of her present self. A present self that was constructed of past stories…mostly stories of being a victim. Although being that victim and identifying with those particular stories was the root of much of her suffering, she still got something out of it.
For many of us, just sitting still and not-doing is a frightening thought…we might have to face ourselves and not like what we see.
We may see that our stories are complete and utter bullshit!
Then what? I mean what’s the big deal…we’ve only built our lives around them!
However, it is of the utmost importance that we realize that our bodies, no matter how imperfect they can seem, are our homes. If we do not feel safe there, we will not feel safe anywhere.
That is why so many of us turn to sugar, caffeine, nicotine, alcohol, sex, shopping, drugs, constant talking, gossiping, working out and the list goes on an on. Obviously, being a yoga-head is better than being a crack-head but you get the point.
So many people just want to be anywhere but where they truly are and feeling what they are truly feeling.
Please understand that I am not saying our stories are meaningless. They are not. In fact they are important but I would like to stress that…
Our stories are just that…stories…and should not be mistaken for who we are.
If something horrible happens to you or you do something horrible, it will have an impact on your life. But suffering arises when we identify with that story. We make movies out of our memories and watch them over and over. They become a whole production. And like I stated in the last post, they are very compelling and vivid!
I do want to state that I am talking about those of us who are relatively mentally, physically and emotionally stable. Not those of us who suffer from certain mental disorders, who have suffered a recent trauma or have post traumatic stress syndrome.
So where am I going with this? I’m never quite sure what direction these posts are going to go when I write them but my point is this…
The more we practice allowing ourselves to feel everything, to feel the seeming discomfort of the continuous change and transformation taking place in our lives, the more comfortable, at peace and at home in our own bodies we become.
I find it a bit ironic, a bit funny, very beautiful and very comforting that life unfolds in such a way that what is unknown becomes the known, becomes familiar and what was once very bizarre or weird becomes completely normal.
I am not talking about addressing (through therapy or another means) issues and overcoming what we view as obstacles in order to be happy and free from suffering.
I am also not talking about getting involved in some kind of religious or spiritual practice so that we can become Liberated or one with God.
In fact, these sorts of things often arise out of delusion and are ways of distracting ourselves or escaping from meeting ourselves where we are and living our lives with conscious awareness.
They are also frequently another way, albeit a more refined and covert one, to get caught up in expectations and the part of ourselves that is always trying to get something or go somewhere…our seeking and grasping mind.
So sit down somewhere quiet and comfortable (not too comfortable), take a few cleansing breaths, resume normal breathing, smile and meet yourself where you are without expectation, without a goal, without wanting to be, do or have anything.
Just simply look in a state of alert presence and allow whatever arises in the mind and body to be.
It may seem awkward at first, evening frightening…then again, it may feel wonderful and like a big relief.
Whatever arises, good or bad, just let it go.
Do this for at least 10 minutes preferably longer. Do it often throughout the day…
When you do this, a far greater intelligence is accessed, an intelligence that is far greater than our normal and limited human mind.
Most of us cannot walk around in this state…we have things to do, kids to deal with, bills to pay and goals to accomplish.
But it is a way to be with what is, internally and externally, in a way that allows us to put more space around it so we can see things much more clearly, from a birds eye view so to speak.
When we learn to see the entire picture and put it into practice, things don’t look or feel so bad. In fact we will see things like compassion, understanding and gratitude arise. We see what is truly important and how our life touches and affects the lives of others…especially the lives of those we love or who are closest to us.
It’s okay…don’t be afraid to hear your life’s song. Don’t try to do or fix anything if it seems out of tune. It is not!
Listen…
Watch…
Allow…
Pay attention to your life…
That is all…
How else can you do what is best for you, those you love, your community, your country and the world when you are miles away, maybe galaxies away from yourself and your life or are so close that you are blinded?
Until next time…
Kind Regards,
A
Cindy
Lisa McLellan
Anthony
Darryl Pace
Keri Eagan
Vegas Boomer Dating Expert
Michael D Walker
Vicki
Peggy Larson
Anthony,
Nice post! Allowing ourselves to be and being at peace with who we are can be freeing, indeed.
Health, Fitness — Darryl Pace
Fitness Product Review
Hi Anthony,
I wonder what percentage of people can just sit in a room without TV, music, books, etc without getting weirded out or very uncomfortable after a while.
I have a friend who was in prison and he said that after the shock of being there wore off the hardest part was having to sit in his cell and deal with himself…day in and day out for months. He said he became very depressed when he finally took a good long look at himself but that ultimately it was that looking that freed him.
I guess in a sense he had little choice so it may have been easier or at least a faster process with all that time on his hands.
I will say that when he came out he was Mr. Calm. That guy can sit anywhere for any length of time without any problem!
I like what you said about our bodies being our true home. That is a simple but often overlooked truth.
Cool post!
True wisdom resides in that quiet place within that most people are completely cut off from or have no clue even exists.
Dev
Hi Anthony,
This is just what I needed after the day at work I had! I am going to my patio to have some chamomile tea and just sit there “without expectation.” I’ll let you know how it went.
Sherri
Hi Anthony,
Totally agree with todays post and especially with what ‘dev’ had to say about true wisdom residing in that quiet place that very few of us ever experience fully because we are to busy being busy!
Duane
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Great post! I’m with Duane and Dev on this one too. Most people are out of touch with their internal wisdom or scared to death like your reader of what and who they are.
Joe
Once again, I am going to have to agree to disagree. I like much of what you write but I disagree with what you said here:
I am also not talking about getting involved in some kind of religious or spiritual practice so that we can become Liberated or one with God……….
That statement alone shows that maybe you don’t understand that some people come from a position of faith. Many people in this world have faith. Their involvement in a spiritual practice or even becoming closer or one with God, is a matter of faith. Perhaps for you, being that maybe you dont have faith yourself, you can’t understand that aspect of it. I don’t know, but that point just didnt set well with me.
Sorry. I think your other points were great though.
God Bless.
In truth, immediately i didn’t understand the essence. But after re-reading all at once became clear.
Cindy,
There seems to be a gross misunderstanding.
When I wrote, “I am not talking about addressing (through therapy or another means) issues and overcoming what we view as obstacles in order to be happy and free from suffering.” and “I am also not talking about getting involved in some kind of religious or spiritual practice so that we can become Liberated or one with God,” I meant just that. I was just clarifying for todays post that that was not what I was talking about.
It was not a statement for or against religion or psychology…it was simply a clarification. My suggestion was that we put all of that down for a moment because they are often just more sophisticated forms of escaping what is. That is why I also wrote:
“In fact, these sorts of things often arise out of delusion and are ways of distracting ourselves or escaping from meeting ourselves where we are and living our lives with conscious awareness.
They are also frequently another way, albeit a more refined and covert one, to get caught up in expectations and the part of ourselves that is always trying to get something or go somewhere…our seeking and grasping mind.”
I know many who try to protect themselves with their religion, spiritual practice and inner work. I see it all the time. They attach their beliefs to what is which means the automatically have the answer. There is little room for presence.
My point was this: “The more we practice allowing ourselves to feel everything, to feel the seeming discomfort of the continuous change and transformation taking place in our lives, the more comfortable, at peace and at home in our own bodies we become.”
That was all. I hope this helps. No need to attach a bunch of stuff to it as that was the point I was making.
Also, I think your last paragraph was completely unnecessary as I certainly do understand that some people come from a position of faith…that is why I made the clarification for those who are coming from a place of faith, that that was not what I was talking about today. If I did not understand such a thing, I would not have made the distinction.
I also understand that some people do not come from a position of faith and that was why I made the distinction about therapy and feeling good, etc that preceded the one that pissed you off.
I was trying to be very clear and include everyone so there would be no misunderstandings.
Apparently I could have done a better job…lol!
I can always count on you for an amazing, beautiful or interesting comment! Thank you so much for stopping by so frequently and also for challenging me to re-think these sorts of things because in the end, it helps me grow in my practice and as a “writer.”
Kind Regards,
Anthony
I understand what you were talking about but can also see how someone might initially misunderstand those two “distinctions.”
Many people, especially religious people often get frightened by things like meditation or practices that suggest letting go of everything and just sitting with what arises. They are attached to their attachments and desires, addicted actually and are terrified to let go. I have seen it over and over throughout the years.
It is ironic because that is where you can truly find God…precisely in that field of not “seeking” and “grasping” you are speaking of. I think many people are frightened of the real God and would rather stick with the old man with the white beard!
By the way, I thought it was a lovely post.
Regards,
Karen
Had some trouble getting my comment to post. Maybe it is in moderation. Hopefully it will post!
I’ll wait and see but if there is not another one besides this please know that I stopped by
Don’t have time to rewrite all of that.
Regards,
Karen
Anthony,
The written word at times can come off in the wrong way that one intended. This happens all the time, and I could have worded my question to you in a better fashion. When I asked the question maybe you dont understand,…..I really could have worded it, What are your thoughts, or have you ever considered….?
So my bad wording is offending you, and I would like to apologize for that. When I wrote it, I actually had a very nice calm voice in my head, but it didnt end up reading that way.
Karen— How do I say this without coming off in a mis-understood way? Well I would like to say that some of the comments that people have used seem to be general sweeping comments, but because they are so sweeping, I have to question them. You said:
I think many people are frightened of the real God and would rather stick with the old man with the white beard!
You say the ‘real’ God like you personally know Him? Or know exactly what you are speaking of. Could you be so kind as to clarify that for me? Who is the ‘real God’?
I think Dev had a nice point about the quiet place and Duane points out that in this modern world, we are as humans so busy being busy.
But what is true wisdom. Sitting in a quiet place, and being connected with our minds, and our thoughts. That is true wisdom?
I don’t see what the original post had to do with any discussion of God or faith. Faith is just taking a lot of very serious issues and placing it on trust that someone else has figured it out for you and you don’t have to come to your own conclusions. Like, where good or evil come from. And enough of this bible. Written by who knows who, and nobody knows when. It’s silly.
Tom,
The post had nothing to do with God or faith. It had to do with being with oneself and seeing things for oneself, being at peace and at home within your own body.
That happens with these blogs…a point or a whole blog can come across wrong due to the way is written or people just attach their stuff and misunderstand to a larger or smaller extent.
It has gotten heated here a few times which is good fun. One woman got pretty mean but she has not been back since.
I really like your point about faith. I see much truth in it. Many people just want a story to explain why things are the way they are so they can feel better about things and get on with their day or their life.
I see nothing wrong with that.
As for me, my faith is that I don’t know but am absolutely grateful to be alive, conscious, able to love and be loved and part of this beautiful, mysterious catastrophe we call life. “God” is beyond language for me so I just smile, say thank you, enjoy the good, find the lesson in the bad, do my best and rest peacefully in the mystery.
Too many people think they know and if that gets them through life more power to them…I am not out to make anyone unhappy or cause problems for them.
The problem is that many of them think that their beliefs are intrinsically true and that everyone else who is not signed up to their beliefs are wrong. When we think we know we often close the door to new possibilities and truths that are more useful, wise and compassionate.
Although, how can you say there is no God if you’ve tried a Guiness!
Thanks for stopping by hope you come back often and put in your two cents…you make a lot of sense.
Tom Ward,
The original post made me pose some questions. To be honest what came to my mind was all the hero drug addicts out there, trying to get through their lives and be clean. The daily serenity prayer, and the structure that certain aspects of religion can help them. There are many forms of pain, and an addiction for some is one of those situations. I dont know why it popped into my mind, but it did. I am not trying to piss anyone off here with my questions. If I am irritating you, then I am sorry. I truely ask questions, because I sincerely want to know the answers to them. Sometimes I like to see what makes other’s tic and how the minds and lifestlye practices of others operate. Again, if you are becoming offended by me, then I truly apologize, as that is not my intentions.
This is a blog site. I comment sometimes when I am interested. I learn much from conversing with others, and I am fully open to growing and being enlightened by others. That is all I was looking to do, was to share, and maybe ask some deeper questions that we can ponder on.
As far as this blog having nothing to do with faith? What is Budhism then? Is that not a type of faith or practice? Does it not have certain tenants that it teaches and a model for some to follow and practice?
What is prayer or meditation? Do they not offer similar qualities for human beings to take part in? Not everything has to have the same meaning, but you have to admit they do have a certain structure to follow. Whether you are Buddhist, A Christian or a Jew, the common thing is that they offer structure.
I never mentioned the bible. So I have no idea where that is coming from.
I did ask Karen a question regarding one of the points she made. I am sincerely interested in her answer. I hope she will respond, because I didnt ask it to attack her, and I didnt ask it because I want to push my beliefs around on her or anyone else for that matter. I simply asked, because it caught my eye, I was curious what she meant by it, and I was interested in her answer. Maybe I will learn a thing or two, by asking questions.
Hey bro!
I’m impressed with your ability to maintain debate on each of your blog posts. Your blog is a great forum for discussion. It’s awesome.
Cool post. I’m going to try to allow the universal intelligence to write this comment for me…
… it said boobs.
Smart.
JJ
I’m sorry JJ but I have to respectfully disagree.
I checked with the Universal Intelligence and it said…Jugs!
Very smart!
Hi Anthony,
What a great post about dread and fear. Plus, so much of it is from stuff which is in our nonconscious mind. And when we try to access what we are fearing, we cannot access it with our logical analytical mind. Using a number of different modalities to gently identify it and surface it can be so beneficial.
Happy Dating and Relationships,
April Braswell
Single Baby Boomer Dating Success Expert