Hi everyone, hope you have been making it a great summer! Today, I wanted to address what I believe are some misunderstandings that arose after I published “Can We Be Authentic and Spiritual at the Same Time.”
There appears to be some confusion as to what I was trying to say. Seems that many of you, despite my stating the contrary, seemed to think I was endorsing being mean in the service of being authentic.
What I was attempting to illustrate was that much of what we believe are often just conceptual images that are incongruous with our moment to moment thinking, feeling and emotional states or life as it is, as it is. Much of what we believe is just manufactured after the fact to make us feel good or right or whatever.
I used the example of the guy that was calling himself authentic and spiritual and stated that he could not be authentic and spiritual at the same time because of his internal picture of what it meant to be spiritual.
He had a view of being spiritual and authentic in which he attached many nice images and concepts but left no room for other human thoughts, feelings, emotions and states.
I am sorry folks but life is a very large container that makes room for everything. That includes the things that we don’t think are so nice.
The material and the spiritual seem to be paradoxical but they are not.
We are called human beings.
We have this materialistic, petty human side that includes all of our emotions, thoughts, impulses, biological drives, past experiences our grasping and wanting…everything! To deny this is to deny our human-ness. To get caught up in it is insanity, is suffering, is dissatisfaction.
We also have a Being side that just is. It is complete. It has no need to seek nor grasp for anything. It is the part of us that is one with everything, that is everything. It has no need for anything because it is everything. It is cut off from nothing. So it needs nothing. To deny this is to be cut off from your true nature, to be cut off from The Absolute/God.
This humanbeingness is what we are. The human side is not separate from being side. The spiritual is not cut off from the material. We need to survive, we need to live, we need to thrive but we also need to love and to be that love.
They are two sides of the same coin.
I am digressing a bit and think the humanbeingness thing will have to be another post.
So back to my main point…
We have many voices within us and when we repress the ones we don’t like or think are bad and lock them down in the basement we get in trouble. They become covert and antagonistic.
They will be heard and will cause problems for us. Whether they become recurring themes in relationships or just become these mysterious negative patterns we seem doomed to repeat, they will resurface.
Sometimes we need that asshole aspect of ourselves as much as we need the nice guy. Maybe we are getting walked all over at a meeting and need to make a firm boundary and do it quick. We need the asshole aspect to lay down the law!
When we do not repress these other aspects they become, like I said in the last post, integrated and non-problematic. Because they are not repressed they ripen and become mature. And when they are mature, we have no fear of them causing us problems because they know what to do and when to do it.
So when the asshole comes out in the integrated person it comes out as the mature asshole and lays down a firm boundary that is reasonable, well thought out, in tune with the other aspects of the self and presented with assertiveness and not aggressiveness. You actually don’t get caught up in the potential assholery of it.
When we force that unwanted aspect of ourselves underground, it does not get to have its say, it does not ripen it does not mature and have dialogue with the other aspects of the self so that is can serve us well. It becomes covert and problematic. That is when we get caught up in the assholery of it.
See the difference?
I think I may go a little deeper into this in an upcoming post as there seems to be much confusion about this topic. I think that if I explain it differently it might make more sense to those of you who are having trouble with it.
So when we do not deny that aspect of ourselves, we let it mature and when it does speak, it knows better than to say the mean thing.
Look, we can all be mean at times. But what I am trying to say is that when we disown that or any aspect of ourselves, it never gets a chance to be heard, to be understood and to grow up. And when that aspect of ourself is denied, misunderstood and immature, it can and will cause problems. That is when the mean thing is said, the transgression occurs, the fight ensues, the adultery happens, etc, etc, etc…
I hope this helps.
Until next time…
Kind Regards,
A
Cindy
Lisa McLellan
Anthony
Darryl Pace
Keri Eagan
Vegas Boomer Dating Expert
Vicki
Michael D Walker
Peggy Larson
Anthony,
I totally understood the post you were clarify the first time but I like how you went a little deeper into it. You are getting good at this with your homemade words like “fuckedupness” and “assholery”. They are actually great teaching aids…very funny, very clever, very Zen with smears of smart psychology. Voice dialogue I believe?
Regards,
Karen
Gosh. What a lot of assholes.
I loved the post you’re referring to. I read it as a gentle suggestion to embrace everything in this life. That may not have been the way you intended it to have been read, but I certainly got a lot out of it.
Since reading your shit and talking to you on Skype I’ve become a lot more aware of how I feel inside at any one time. I’ve realised that I’m holding a lot of tension inside my body, and when I become aware of it and let it sit there I can allow it to leave.
It’s really cool! I remember you writing about that earlier and thinking that you’d have to be some kind of awesome Zen master to achieve stuff like that but it’s actually the most natural thing in the whole word.
This was a cool post too. I like the way you ramble onto different sides of arguments or even different topics. It’s pretty free flow. I’d like to hope that some of my writing shares a similar quality, albeit it’s much less profound.
Cool stuff.
JJ
Anthony,
I *think* I understand you. In essence, you’re saying that when we repress parts of our personality, that repressed part will rear its head in unexpected ways and cause us problems. Is that right?
Health, Fitness — Darryl Pace
Fitness Product Review
Anthony,
I understand that to be aware is to be alive. To embrace that awareness is what life is.
Thanks Bro.
Lynn Lane
http://www.Warriorofsuccess.com
HI Anthony,
Very profound! The part about the complete being that just is…isn’t something I have really thought about much as I would confess to being a spiritual person by any stretch of the imagination, but I can see what you mean and it truly has made me think
Duane
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Like JJ, I understood that post to begin with. You can’t escape your self and to do so causes them to come back in an unrecognizable form that can cause you much confusion.
Also, I agree with Duane above about the Being thing. I never thought about that but you are correct. I really sat with it as you have suggested in the past and felt a tremendous sense of relief. You were right in that when I got in touch with that aspect or whatever you call it(Beingness?)I felt no need to get or do or be anything because I was self contained and needed nothing. I need that kind of vacation! Thanks to you, I can do that on a regular basis. So thank you very much!
Peace,
Dev
JJ,
I love your stuff!
Darryl,
You got it!
Nice post. Like the others said, I got you the first time around. You are saying that being authentic is allowing or making room for everything, even the supposedly ugly stuff so that it can “ripen and mature.” That is powerfully stuff and we are programmed from childhood that some things are good and some are bad when they just are.
Out of curiosity I went back and read some of your earlier posts and see that you have said this more than a few times in some very clever ways. You are a great teacher as I have said before because you are humble but also because you see many different angles and perspectives at once.
I have been doing inner work for a while and am telling you that you know what you are talking about even if you don’t want to admit it! You keep it real as they say but you also make it easy to understand.
Joe
Joe,
Wow, thanks for the kind words. I really appreciate that. I am nothing special I assure you on that one. I have been meditating and practicing for many years now and have and have had some amazing teachers (especially life and my son!), so that is probably what you are picking up on.
Just happy to share what I know and have learned. I have actually been neglecting my specialty which is the functional nutrition and food allergy/sensitivity stuff. Hopefully I won’t bore you with all of that because believe it or not, it is a big part of the Zen/awareness/psychological/emotional stuff.
Anthony,
As you’ve noted, this world is based on duality.
As such, “mundane” & “spiritual” is basically the two sides of the same coin. They’re interdependent and pretty much the same we arrive at the final destination. But there’re perceived conflicts before the point though.
John Ho
Numerology Expert Helps Understanding Personality for Better Influence & Persuasion (WordPress Blog)
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Numerology Expert Helps Understanding Personality for Better Influence & Persuasion
Mt St.Helens blew because it couldn’t vent enough and keep a balance. Now it is calm and peaceful but the volcano is once again building pressure. I spent a lot of years holding back the big stuff and hiding it until one year i blew up at everything. now i go inside myself and find my peace. I keep the good stuff and go down to my gym and beat the crap out of tha bad stuff. it is good to be human.
Peace
Don Shepherd
Central Oregon Camphiker
Anthony,
I have to respectfully disagree. I think life as a human is training for beyond. This is a test. If we believe that things are wrong but continue to let them rear their ugly head then it is hypocritical. If we practice love, abundance and forgiveness and really mean it, we can make things like anger and hate go away. It is not that we are repressing them but extinguishing them.
I am not perfect but the more I practice love to even people I use to hate, the less I want to be angry at anyone.
It is a journey, in the beginning you may only be able to push these feelings down for a short time before they rise but then we go right back to work but to allow them to rise for fear of repression is ignoring our spiritual beliefs.
Bob Kaufer
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Hi Bob,
Maybe it is me, but I think you are coming more from a New Age perspective. I guess you and I are back to square one on this one. I think there is a gross misunderstanding and that you are actually on the same page in a way.
When you allow those aspects of yourself to have their say, they eventually transform into things like love, understanding, compassion. In Buddhism, the three jewels are wisdom, compassion and understanding. If you have cultivated any one of them deeply, you have all three of them.
So if I get mad, and allow the thoughts and physical sensations that arise with it then I see it for what it really is…and unmet need. When I allow myself to see that, not intellectually but at at the heart level, there is understanding. When there is understanding, there is compassion. When there is compassion and understanding, there is wisdom. When there is wisdom there is no problem, no anger as it was to begin with. There is that unmet need or negative emotional charge and we feed it, we nourish it and we hear its song. It and we are transformed. And when it surfaces again, we know what it is and we feed it, we show it love and we nurture it until it grows up, so to speak. It is just a little piece of our child self that has been neglected and we help it to mature.
I am not really stating this how I want but I hope this helps. Maybe I will write a post on this.
Hi Anthony,
Well I missed your original post, but I did like reading this one. I recently read the book The Shack. In some ways, it makes me think of what you are saying, in that many people feel when you look at God, you need to look at God from a religious perspective, and I guess depending on the individual and their background, people tend to have the impression that God will only accept us if we behave a certain way. Or if we live as He has guided us to live. The rules, follow the rules and you will see progess, or you will attain the goal.
But what we fail to see in many ways, is that we are humans, created in the image of God. Or if there is a God, where did the image come from? We are humans and that is full circle round. All our goodness that we can at times show. At the same time we have the bad side, or emotional, aggravated, angry, irritated or sometimes even gluttoneious side that we sometimes can show to be. But it’s all part of us. I think in some ways, when we are nuturing ourselves on all sides, good and bad, that is when we become more spiritual and that is when we can be ok with not saying something we know would hurt another, because it’s just not that important to do that. You grow out of that bad stage and into a better stage. However, it all depends on what’s going on around you. Your environment plays a big role in that.
I have another comment. I’m sorry. I like the idea of there being an unmet need. However, we all at times have unmet needs. It doesnt give us the right to tresspass on another person or their feelings. But as humans we certainly at times do this.
I do feel very inline with the idea of when there is understanding there is compassion. And where there is compassion and understanding there is wisdom. Why do humans strive to attain the Spiritual side though? Could that be an unmet need deep in our souls then? I think it may be.
Depending on how you were raised and which faith you subscribe to or not, many religions have given their teachings, theories and principles on this. The very reason we humans stive for the Spiritual. Let’s discuss some of that. Or maybe that would be to deep.
Very thought-provoking stuff.
Pam
Invest in Your Future
I have to agree with bob pn this one
Hi Anthony,
indeed being a Human Being, genuine and authentic, is part of what makes us great in life. I like how you added and clarified your earlier post least any of your readers take a misunderstanding. SOme communication in life is best done in person, and yet that ideal scenario is not always possible. Without being face to face, your readers might have missed your heart, your compassion, and your true intentions.
Best regards,
April Braswell
Single Boomer Dating Expert, Relationship Success Coach
Widow Support and Bereavement Counseling Outreach Workshop Orange County, Newport Beach, Huntington Beach, CA
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I think I get what you mean. I am always pretty quiet and easy going, kind of a go-with-the-flow type of person. Every now and then, I do get to a breaking point when I feel I’m being taken advantage of and sometimes the “a-hole” comes out. I think it takes everyone by surprise because there are no questions asked when I’m in that mode. What I say goes!
Lisa McLellan, Babysitting Services – Babysitters, Nannies, and Au-pairs
I think many people confuse being authentic with being free to say mean things to people, but that isn;t really the case. Being authentic simply meens being yourself. Hopefully we’re not all closet assholes.
Steve Chambers, The Sales Expert
The Sales Eagle Solution – 6 months to dominate your market